


Christmas at 221B

by the_bonny_wordsmith



Series: BBC Sherlock Crack Oneshots [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Cake, Childish Sherlock, Christmas Games, Christmas at 221B, Drunk Everyone, Drunk John, Drunk Lestrade, Drunk Mrs Hudson, Drunk Mycroft, Drunk Sherlock, Food Fight, Gen, Moonshine, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_bonny_wordsmith/pseuds/the_bonny_wordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After last year's debauched alcoholic fiasco, John has decided to host Christmas at 221B. He's taken precautions...mainly Lestrade, hiding his gun, and getting rid of ALL copies of Cludeo. But this year Sherlock's got a secret in his bedroom, and he's really not been that happy about Mycroft being invited. Harry turns up uninvited, and a certain Woman makes an appearance.<br/>Alcohol happens amongst all the tinsel and lights...but not until a good deal of chaos and people being sick has ensued, and John has photographs of Sherlock in reindeer antlers and a red nose (but that's a secret).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas at 221B

Christmas time had come around again, and John, determined _not_ to have a repeat of last year’s debauched alcoholic fiasco, had decided that this year, Christmas will be at 221B.

John has taken precautions, notifying everyone in mid-November of his intentions, and not telling Sherlock that Mycroft was coming until two weeks before Christmas Eve. He has also removed his gun from the premises, and all boxes of Cluedo.

In the lead up to Christmas, ever since John’s announcement, Sherlock has been distinctly secretive regarding his bedroom, and John cannot help but have some niggling doubts about this fact. In an attempt to keep the brothers in check, John has also invited Lestrade over…not that he really expects it to help in the long term, but if the Detective Inspector’s presence can keep them all sane and sober for a few extra minutes, then John feels it is a worthwhile attempt.

 

John, with Mrs Hudson’s help, has spent most of the first week of December very thoroughly decorating the flat. The balustrades of all the stairs are wound with tinsel and flickering fairy lights, and a big Christmas wreath adorned with baubles is on the front door, as well as a smaller one on the door of the flat. They’ve hung springs of holly from all the door lintels along with ribbons, and baubles and paper snowflakes from most of the light fittings. Sherlock confiscated the mistletoe that he found and burned it with his Bunsen burner before either Mrs Hudson or John discovered it.

John is vaguely nonplussed at the absence of the mistletoe; the proprietor said that it was included. He thinks about going back and asking about it, but then realises that there’s not much point in having mistletoe with no women invited, and everyone’s going to kiss Mrs Hudson on the cheek anyway.

221B is stunning. All the recent snow has frosted up the window panes, and John has hung fairy lights over the curtains, and positively festooned the bookshelves, mantelpiece and mirror with more tinsel and lights, and a few sprigs of leftover holly. The kitchen hasn’t escaped decoration either, and John has even put up stockings on the mantelpiece. Sherlock’s is a deep blue, and pinned in place by the jack knife. John’s is knitted with bobbles, and held in place by the skull. Sherlock thinks that the stockings are a step too far, but John let him stick the knife in, so he was suitably appeased.

Sherlock finds the lights bearable, but the first time John played the music box that came with them the mechanism got stuck playing ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’ for three hours straight, until Sherlock smashed the controller. John was distinctly reproachful about the incident, and has since bought a snow globe for the mantelpiece that plays different carols, and which he makes sure to never leave on when Sherlock is alone with it.

The bison skull is looking distinctly festive this year; it is wearing a santa hat, and has baubles tied to its horns which are wound with more fairy lights. John assumes that Mrs Hudson did this, and she assumes John did – neither are to know the truth. Sherlock takes great pleasure from this knowledge.

Even the chairs have tinsel wound round them. It makes some of them a bit scratchy, depending on the tinsel (Sherlock was very withering about John’s lack of foresight in this regard), but John is determined keep them there until Christmas is over, although in private he finds the scratchiness through his jumpers annoying.

Sherlock has not deigned to help, but regarded their preparations with vague contempt. He cannot deny that he was excited at the appearance of the chocolate Christmas calendars, however. This pleased John, but the doctor soon became less than impressed on the second day of December when he discovered that Sherlock had very cunningly opened all the little windows and eaten the chocolates, before replacing them. Sherlock’s penance took the form of wearing reindeer antlers for the rest of the day. John has photographic evidence that Sherlock must never know about – he was asleep at the time, and John added a red nose to complete the picture.

John went to the extra trouble in finding the best Christmas tree he could, and bullied Sherlock into helping decorate it. The consulting detective’s lack lustre efforts comprised solely of putting the star on the top after watching John fail to reach it, even with the help of a chair, for fear that he would knock the tree over. Mrs Hudson was more helpful…too much so, if truth be told. It’s hard to tell whether it is comprised of more decorations than tree or not. John is sure Sherlock has an exact percentage, but would rather simply enjoy what he can see of the tree under all the decorations.

 

John took the precaution of hiding all his presents out of 221B after discovering that Sherlock has an incurable habit of inspecting presents left out under the tree and deducing their contents a few days into December. Sherlock was somewhat put out at the disappearance of the presents, and thoroughly searched the flat when John was next out to no avail. Mrs Hudson comforted him with some Christmas-themed chocolates.

 

 

Christmas Eve –

John brings back his gifts, ready to put under the tree as late as possible. Sherlock’s offerings already sit under there, and John cannot deny that the consulting detective is very handy with wrapping paper and ribbons. He is not to know that Sherlock finds gift wrapping helpful in solving cases, although he has a very strong suspicion that Sherlock is one of those talented individuals known as “gliders” when it comes to cutting wrapping paper, and all of his ribbons have been curled. John, unfortunately, has never been able to get the hang of either knack.

The festive season’s visitors have been organised carefully. Mycroft, Lestrade, and Mrs Hudson will join John and Sherlock on Christmas Day for Christmas lunch, and stay for dinner.

John’s plans are slightly disrupted, however, by the appearance of a snow covered Harry a little after dinner with a suitcase and the gruff information that she had left her latest girlfriend. Sherlock does not seem to have much opinion either way regarding the intrusion, and oddly even his usual prickliness does not seem to affect Harry.

 

Sherlock takes to his room, affronted at being laughed at by Harry. As John prepares the sofa he begs his sister to relent, saying that she _really_ doesn’t want an annoyed Sherlock around, and he doesn’t want Christmas ruined by it.

Harry reluctantly promises to behave better, but can’t help but slip in a jibe about why she’s getting the sofa when John and Sherlock will obviously be bunking up later. John is most unamused, and says they’re not a couple.

 

6.00 Christmas Day –

True to his excessive Christmas spirit, John wakes Sherlock and Harry the moment he realises it is Christmas Day. He uses bells. Loud ones.

 

6.15

For the first time Sherlock and Harry are united. They sit together on the couch wearing their dressing gowns and unimpressed expressions while John adorns them with tinsel and throws confetti over them as he sings Christmas carols. Sherlock gets a santa hat, and Harry the reindeer antlers. She rejects the nose that John attempts to put on her, and Sherlock tears off his beard and sideburns.

John is wearing an elf hat complete with too-big pointy ears. He looks ridiculous. The bell on its end jangles every time he moves.

 

6.18

Sherlock asks Harry whether John is always like this at Christmas. She replies with an affirmative.

 

6.21

Harry threatens to cut up John’s oatmeal jumper if he doesn’t leave them alone. John’s Christmas spirit is severely doused, and even Sherlock appears a little shocked at the severity of the threat.

 

6.23

John abandons his sour flat mate and sister, and goes to the kitchen. Mrs Hudson has spent the past week baking like a madwoman, and there are mince pies, trifles, Christmas puddings, tarts, Dundee cakes, and marzipan-covered fruit cakes _everywhere_. Not to mention an abundance of butterscotch sauce, brandy butter, and a large bowl of oranges.

He returns with a selection of cakes. They seem to mollify both Sherlock and Harry.

At the first opportunity, Sherlock goes and hides John’s oatmeal jumper as a preventative measure.

 

6.47

Sherlock at last seems to be waking up, and begins the day whining at John about inviting Mycroft. It is clear that his initial disgust at his brother’s inclusion in the day’s festivities has not decreased since John first told him.

 

6.54

Sherlock returns to his room to sulk after being told off by John.

Harry thinks it all highly amusing, but has the sense not to say anything.

John has started to wonder whether the whole Christmas party was a good idea, but keeps a stiff upper lip and carries on with it.

 

7.30

Peace reigns in Baker Street. Mrs Hudson is awake and humming carols to herself downstairs.

John is trying to tidy up the kitchen as best he can. Sherlock managed to untidy it last night after everyone was asleep, and the remnants of his experiment are scattered everywhere. For some reason it involved a glass decanter. John puts it in the sink to scour later; he’d rather not know what it is that is responsible for the sour smell coming from it, or exactly what the half-dried congealed red liquid at the bottom is.

 

7.42

John finds a charred mistletoe berry stuck in the plug hole of the kitchen sink, and wonders whether Sherlock had anything to do with it.

He decides it’s best not to ask.

 

7.55

John knows from the changed position of the presents under the tree that Sherlock examined them last night. He is at once exasperated and amused.

 

8.00

John and Harry are dressed. They are somehow wearing matching Christmas jumpers. Both notice this fact and decide it’s best not to make any comment on it.

Sherlock is still sulking in his room, although there is a good deal of clanking coming from behind his closed door. John thinks about investigating, but decides against it. If Sherlock is creating something, he’d rather not know about it until he’s had at least half a bottle of wine, and he has _no_ intention of boozing this early in the day.

 

8.14

John remembers Harry’s drinking habits, and quickly hides the wine under the sink. He makes a mental note to mention this to Sherlock, Mrs Hudson, and the others. He does _not_ want Harry getting drunk. Not at Christmas.

 

8.23

Harry is aware that John has hidden the wine. She tells him that she’s been off the booze for the past six months and that he needn’t worry.

John believes her.

 

8.35

Mycroft arrives. He is a wise man and has come bearing gifts…from his cellar. John is vaguely concerned at the discovery of this fact, but comforts himself with the thought that at least it’s only four bottles. But they’re all brandy.

Both brothers have been warned that this Christmas, jumper warfare has been banned. Both have been plotting around this embargo.

 

8.46

John begins making mulled wine. Mycroft watches with vague interest.

The smells seem to draw Sherlock out from his room, for he comes to investigate. He is still in his pyjamas.

 

8.52

Sherlock inspects the brandy Mycroft brought with an eagerness that worries John. Mycroft sends Sherlock back to his room to get dressed.

Sherlock sulkily acquiesces, but only because he’s managed to sneak one of the brandy bottles into his pyjamas and wants to hide it from Mycroft.

 

9.01

When Sherlock returns, he is wearing his dressing gown in place of his suit blazer in defiance of Mycroft, and he takes up his violin, playing Christmas carols with a vengeance.

Mycroft rolls his eyes.

 

9.16

Mrs Hudson comes up to ask John for help bringing up more food. The mulled wine is at a critical stage, so John sends an unimpressed Mycroft down. Harry offers to come along, and John wonders whether the Christmas spirit has effected the change in her.

 

9.32

By the time all the food has been brought up, John is very glad he cleared away Sherlock’s experiment. There are no empty surfaces, and the fridge (which John sterilised multiple times) is near to exploding (with food for once).

 

9.37

Sherlock catches Mycroft eyeing the cakes, and asks whether Mycroft isn’t a bit too old to still have a Christmas wish list, as it’s clear that his wish for cake has come true.

Mycroft smiles sourly at his little brother.

 

9.44

John is surprised to discover Mrs Hudson getting along very well with Harry. He does not know when he last saw his sister laughing and talking so much.

He knows that if he had a Christmas wish list, this would have been very near the top.

 

9.51

Harry catches John watching her chatting with Mrs Hudson. She gives him a smile.

John feels like nothing could ruin his day.

 

10.06

Lestrade arrives. He’s brought several bottles of wine...and one of whiskey.

 

10.10

Sherlock disappears into his room for a while, along with a plate of tarts. John has vague feelings of unease about this, but is distracted by Mycroft’s expression of outrage at the sight of Sherlock absconding with so many desserts.

 

10.13

Sherlock has been stealthily gathering all the Christmas crackers across Christmas and augmenting them so they go off with a proper boom.

He finishes them off in his room as he polishes off the plate of tarts, then gathers them up, and brings out the boxes, sneakily placing them about the lounge so no one is any the wiser.

 

10.27

The mulled wine is ready. Everyone agrees that John has a special ability with it, and even Harry has a little.

John privately thinks that _anything_ is better than the stuff that Sherlock made last year at Mycroft’s.

 

10.38

Everyone gathers in the lounge. Mycroft has a plate of mince pies all to himself, and half a box of shortbread…and a bowl of miniature chocolate-covered Christmas puddings.

 

10.41

John remembers that he forgot something in his room, and leaves to fetch it.

When Lestrade starts hitting on Harry there is an awkward silence. Mycroft is looking away, and Sherlock is doing his best to contain his amusement to prolong the entertainment.

 

10.46

John returns and wonders why everyone has such carefully straight faces.

 

10.47

Harry tells Lestrade she’s a lesbian.

An awkward silence falls that Lestrade makes even more awkward by talking.

Sherlock and Harry both appear amused. John is rolling his eyes, and Mycroft has a vaguely pained expression. Mrs Hudson makes a cringing expression, and silently slips out onto the landing and back downstairs to get something from her kitchen.

 

10.53

Lestrade drains his glass like he’s taking a shot and is about to declare that he will get a refill to escape the still existing awkward silence, when Sherlock helpfully appears with a decanter of wine and refills his glass to the brim.

 

10.56

John feels that the decanter looks vaguely familiar, but can’t quite place it. He is not sure what it is about it that makes him feel so uneasy.

 

10.58

Lestrade gives Sherlock his best glare over the rim of his glass as he skulls it.

 

11.04

Lestrade finally makes his escape to the kitchen. His head is spinning, and everything looks like it’s at a slight angle. He wonders whether Sherlock spiked his drink.

 

11.07

John comes back into the kitchen to find the DI supporting himself on the table. He is groaning.

 

11.09

The concerned calls of John bring everyone into the kitchen.

Lestrade is on his hands and knees beside the table and dry retching. John is kneeling beside him, and asking him questions.

Harry grabs a bowl from the cupboards, tipping out the contents into the sink (they seem to be congealed eyeballs, it’s hard to tell), ignoring Sherlock’s cry of outrage, and giving it to John, who holds it for Lestrade. It’s clear she’s done this before.

 

11.11

John questions Sherlock about what was in the wine, and asks whether he spiked the drink. Everyone gives Sherlock very disapproving and disappointed looks.

 

11.13

Sherlock protests his innocence, stating that he only put wine in the decanter from the sink.

John’s expression becomes green when Sherlock mentions the decanter, and he rushes to the cupboards and makes Lestrade very salty water. He orders him to drink it and bring up as much of what he drank as he can in the bathroom.

 

11.17

Lestrade does not argue when he sees the expression on John’s face. He runs to the bathroom.

 

11.21

Nobody understands what just happened. Mycroft asks for an explanation as the sound of Lestrade being violently sick in the bathroom comes to them down the hallway.

Sherlock’s expression is one of dawning realisation, and even he is looking vaguely queasy.

John says that Sherlock used the decanter for an experiment and that it never got cleaned.

Harry asks what was in it, and John says she really doesn’t want to know.

 

11.26

Everyone looks very disapprovingly at Sherlock, who refuses to admit it was his fault.

 

11.27

Mrs Hudson returns and asks why everyone looks so serious. Mycroft explains to the strains of Lestrade groaning, and Mrs Hudson tuts at Sherlock who sulks.

 

11.35

Lestrade returns looking pale and sweaty, but better than before; Mycroft opens one of the brandy bottles, and gives him a double. He is a little confused as one of the bottles appears to be missing.

 

11.39

John has given Sherlock a stern talking to. Sherlock apologises to Lestrade. No one can believe their ears.

 

11.41

Everyone is still standing dumbstruck. Lestrade looks like he thinks he’s died and gone to an alternate reality.

 

11.43

Mrs Hudson breaks the silence by saying that lunch should be ready within the hour. The smell of roast turkey and crisping potatoes has already started to fill the flat. Everyone starts to become aware of just how much they’re looking forward to lunch.

 

11.45

John decides it’s time to get the table ready. Mycroft and Harry shift all the extra cakes from the table out to the desk in the lounge, and Sherlock, John, and Lestrade organise an eclectic assortment of chairs around the table, all of which are decorated with tinsel.

 

11.52

Mrs Hudson gets Sherlock to bring up an enormous honey glazed Christmas ham. Sherlock raps anyone who gets near it over the knuckles with a wooden mixing spoon.

 

12.04

A stream of food begins making its way up from downstairs. Brussels sprouts, boiled carrots, pigs in a blanket, cranberry sauce, crispy golden roast potatoes and parsnips, the most magnificent boat of gravy, a bowl of bread sauce, and an enormous steaming bowl of chestnut stuffing.

 

12.27

John and Lestrade are brought downstairs to carry up the turkey…and a goose…and a chicken.

When the turkey is first brought it they’re all surprised at just how Mrs Hudson managed to even cook it; the thing is _enormous_.

 

12.35

They all agree that Mrs Hudson has outdone herself with the Christmas lunch. As everyone settles down to eat the first hint of a family atmosphere begins to fill the room.

Sherlock ruins this when he laughs as Lestrade accidentally puts his elbow in the gravy (the table really is rather cramped), and has his toes trodden on by a surprisingly dextrous Mycroft.

John makes a mental note to seat the brothers even further apart next time.

 

12.38

Lestrade remarks that the chairs are rather itchy with the tinsel, and Harry suggests using a different sort. Sherlock gives John a very pointed and distinctly smug look.

Everyone is sitting up very straight, and not leaning against the backs of their chairs.

 

13.00

John peels an orange, and accidentally squirts Mycroft in the eye with the juice. Sherlock finds this immensely amusing. Mycroft is swearing fluently.

 

13.29

Sherlock decides to engage in a little display of showmanship by flambéing all five Christmas puddings simultaneously.

Mycroft watches appalled as Sherlock heats a whole bottle of brandy he brought, before pouring it over the puddings and using the brandy as a connecting fuse.

 

13.37

When Sherlock brings out his blowtorch and welding mask, everyone decides it’s best to view the spectacle from the other side of the kitchen.

 

13.38

The first gulf of fire nearly scorches the ceiling, but no damage is actually sustained. Everyone is astounded.

Sherlock has a superior expression.

 

13.59

The puddings are still burning.

Harry voices the general opinion that maybe using that much alcohol wasn’t such a good idea.

 

14.00

Christmas lunch continues.

 

14.12

John reminds them about the Christmas crackers.

Mycroft notices Sherlock’s smile, and is distinctly concerned.

 

14.15

The explosion from the first cracker turns Lestrade’s face black with soot, and the paper hat is smoking in a rather alarming manner.

Everyone turns to stare at Sherlock.

 

14.17

John forces Sherlock to de-fuse the rest of the crackers and return them to normal. Sherlock sulkily does so, muttering about John being a spoil sport.

The rest of the crackers go off without incident.

 

14.24

John turns on the snow globe, and makes everyone wear their paper hats, insisting that everyone sings along to the carols with him.

The Holmes brothers decide that John is best avoided at Christmas – he appears to catch the festive spirit like an illness on the day in question.

 

14.39

Mycroft leads the charge towards the desserts. The kitchen table still has more than half of the food left over.

 

14.48

Everyone is starting to become vaguely aware of just how full they are, but as it’s Christmas, they all elect to ignore the sensation.

 

14.53

No one can move. Everyone is draped over various items of furniture experiencing Christmas food comas and groaning slightly.

Mycroft is valiantly soldiering on with his fifth slice of Christmas cake, but even he is starting to flag.

Sherlock is underneath the tree and snoring slightly.

 

15.12

Mycroft at last admits defeat, and joins the others in uncomfortable sleep.

 

16.33

John wakes up with his paper hat stuck to his cheek. The others are also beginning to stir, apart from Mycroft who appears to have fallen asleep using his cake for a pillow.

           

16.37

John makes tea. The smell seems to have some sort of rejuvenating effect as everyone else seems to be beginning to properly wake up if their groans are anything to go by.

 

16.39

Sherlock nearly knocks the tree over when he tries to sit up, and then laughs until he’s nearly sick at the sight of Mycroft.

The elder Holmes’ brother wakes up to the sound of Sherlock retching.

 

16.41

Everyone engages in tea therapy with a little drop of brandy in each. Mrs Hudson has a herbal soother.

 

16.58

Everyone is starting to become more awake and lively. Sherlock disappears into his room, and the banging and clanking noises resume.

 

17.11

Sherlock calls Lestrade into his room. Mycroft remains on the couch, watching the disappearing Detective Inspection with a sour expression, which then becomes peeved as the duration of his absence lengthens.

John thinks about pointing out the glacé cherry stuck behind Mycroft’s ear, but thinks that it might not be a good time.

 

17.24

Harry makes an inappropriate comment about the length of time that Sherlock and Lestrade have been in Sherlock’s bedroom for. Mycroft’s expression does not improve.

 

17.29

John is starting to get concerned, and goes and bangs on the door.

His summons is answered by a good deal of giggling and several thumps, and eventually the door slams open. Sherlock and Lestrade would be standing in the doorway, if they were not using the frame to remain upright. They are still giggling. Mycroft forms the opinion that Sherlock is looking more vapid than he ever has in his life.

Concerned, John squeezes between them, Lestrade falling off the wall to more giggles, and discovers that Sherlock has converted his bedroom into a cross between a distillery and a storehouse. The fumes filling the room are strong enough that John begins to feel a little drunk himself, and quickly goes an opens the window.

Harry comes in, and John’s fears are realised when she leaves carrying what John suspects is a one gallon glass bottle of Sherlock’s moonshine.

 

17.36

John is trying to prevent Harry and Mycroft from getting drunk, but his efforts are largely impeded by the slurring insistence of Sherlock and the DI. He has received many sticky hands to his face.

Lestrade is declaring that John simply must try some, and Sherlock is demanding piggy backs.

Mrs Hudson thinks it prudent to leave for a little while.

 

17.40

John gives up trying to stop them when a drunk Mycroft starts singing Christmas carols on the sofa, swinging his legs like a child in a tree.

 

17.43

John is beyond caring, and drinks some of Sherlock’s brew. He’s not sure, but it could be vodka. Whatever it is, it makes his head spin like a merry go round on steroids.

 

17.47

Someone has turned on the snow globe, and Mycroft is taking no notice that the words he’s singing belong to an entirely different carol to the one playing. He is conducting with his umbrella.

Harry takes this away when Sherlock nearly loses an eye; she is the only one who is halfway sober.

 

17.49

Harry videos as the men all play leapfrog, led by Mycroft.

 

17.53

Leapfrog is abandoned when some over vigorous leaping on Sherlock’s part results in him rushing to the bathroom to be sick.

 

18.00

Mycroft, John, and Lestrade decide to go outside and build a snow man.

Sherlock has taken a little nap draped over the side of the bath.

 

18.05

Mycroft, John and Lestrade get into a snowball fight with some local children. John has excellent aim. Mycroft finds the ice under the snow challenging as regards remaining vertical and is saved from ignominious injuries by Lestrade catching him.

 

18.19

Irene drops in while Mycroft, John and Lestrade are still absent. Sherlock has since woken up, relatively sober, and ignores her seductive overtures as he staggers to the sofa.

Harry seems to rather take a shine to her, and after some increasingly inappropriate exchanges, Harry gathers some things to leave with Irene, asking Sherlock to tell John that she didn’t expect to pull at his sausage-fest of a Christmas party, and not to wait up. Sherlock rolls his eyes, and Irene gives him a parting wink.

 

18.24

John returns to bring the others down, and asks after Harry when he realises that the only person in his double vision is Sherlock. Sherlock is tight-lipped about exactly who she left with, but assures John that his sister is in very capable hands.

 

18.33

Sherlock and Mrs Hudson come out with John.

Lestrade is coaxing a very unsure Mycroft over the ice. They have decided to skate with their shoes. The back of Mycroft’s coat is covered in snow from falls.

 

18.38

Mrs Hudson declines joining it, but brings out a camera and takes photos while John and Sherlock join Mycroft and the Detective Inspector.

Sherlock demonstrates surprising skill at skating, and soon has a heap of snowball ammunition under one arm as he glides past a red-faced and struggling Mycroft.

 

18.45

John is knocked over by a snowball in the chest from Sherlock, but is saved by a large snow drift. He looks rather like a very disgruntled snowman.

Sherlock laughs himself silly, and falls over.

Mycroft and Lestrade fall over in a tangle together at the sight of Sherlock’s fall.

Mrs Hudson has photographs of it all.

 

18.58

Everyone decides it’s high time to return inside. They are all rather wet, and it’s getting dark.

 

19.00

Lestrade is shivering. Mrs Hudson lights the fire, but Sherlock insists that what they all really need is a good stiff drink. John has misgivings, but the brandy Mycroft brought really is rather choice stuff.

 

19.13

Mycroft is drinking alcohol of some sort from the foramen magnum of the skull. John is not sure what it is exactly, but it smells like paint stripper, and John feels that Mycroft will be lucky to still have teeth by tomorrow.

 

19.20

John banned board games this Christmas – especially Cluedo. Sherlock, however, appears accustomed to the habit of games at Christmas, however, and soon suggests playing Christmassy parlour games.

 

19.23

Everyone seems to have taken to the idea of Christmas games – they are now drunk enough to not notice the ignominy that they are about to place themselves in.

Lestrade has suggested bobbing for apples. The diminishingly sober part of John’s brain suggests, perhaps, that this is not such a good idea and that drowning is highly likely.

 

19.36

            Bobbing for apples is entirely fruitless, and the game is abandoned. No one can muster the coordination to actually get any of the apples, and all that is really achieved is everyone getting a wet face.

            Mrs Hudson does not join in, but even she is starting to get very giggly.

 

19.38

Sherlock returns from his room with a poster of some sort in his hands. He says they can play pin the tail on the donkey. The poster turns out to be a large photograph of Anderson’s face. Sherlock pins it to a darts board and takes the darts. Mycroft asks about a blind fold, but Sherlock says that in this version all you need to do is get a bulls-eye.

John is groggily surprised when Lestrade voices no objections.

 

19.49

Lestrade narrowly misses being impaled by a dart. John uses the last sober part of his brain to declare the game ended.

 

19.52

It turns out that Mycroft has smuggled in a box of Twister in his briefcase. Everyone is too drunk to realise it is a bad idea, and everyone enthusiastically joins in. Mrs Hudson is in charge of the spinner, and has a herbal soother for her hip. Sherlock has suggested augmenting it with vast quantities of alcohol.

 

20.11

Twister fails multiple times due to the lack of control and coordination everyone is now experiencing. The game still feels like a resounding success, however, and no one can actually feel the bruises they’ve sustained.

 

20.15

Everyone has started feeling hungry again, and they all assemble in the kitchen to eat the frankly ridiculous amount of leftovers from lunch.

 

20.30

Many fascinating combinations are made with the food, more than half of which involve alcohol.

Mycroft’s creations tend to feature cake, largely, and Sherlock has come up with a tottering tower of layered chipolatas, roast potatoes, and slices of the various roasted fowl, all held together primarily with butterscotch sauce and luck.

Lestrade declares that it’s absolutely delicious.

 

22.21

Mrs Hudson has gone downstairs for a nap.

Mycroft is wearing the Christmas wreath from the front door on his head like a crown. Some of the baubles have become dislodged, and hang about his face, obscuring his vision.

He conducts the others through the carols provided by the snow globe, this time with one of the turkey’s legs. Pieces of meat occasionally fly off, and a flap of the skin is flapping around with his gestures.

 

22.29

John is fetching more of Sherlock’s vodka from his bedroom. Lestrade is wearing John’s stocking on his head, and Mycroft is using Sherlock’s music stand like an orator’s podium. He appears to be giving a very serious speech about the rights of cakes to be eaten, but keeps forgetting where he’s reached and restarting.

Sherlock has become hopelessly entangled with the fairy lights from the Christmas tree.

 

22.31

A tinkling, crashing thud from the lounge signals the felling of the Christmas tree, baubles, lights, decorations and all.

 

22.34

They all remember the presents, and decide to open them. The most notable ones are the ones exchanged between the brothers.

Mycroft has given Sherlock a pair of pyjamas that match his deerstalker. Sherlock is distinctly unamused, and Lestrade has had to stuff his hand in his mouth to keep himself quiet. Sherlock’s triumphantly retaliation turns out to be a book about admitting cake addiction, complete with the contact details of a cake equivalent of AA. Mycroft’s expression is less than impressed.

Sherlock’s gifts to everyone also include a box of fireworks. No one has realised that he’s made them himself.

 

22.48

Everyone troops downstairs into the street with the fireworks. Sherlock is getting quite excited, and John has the beginnings of apprehension about the gleeful expression on his flatmate’s face.

 

22.52

Sherlock decides to announce the fact that he is the creator of the fireworks right after Lestrade has twined all the fuses together at lit the end.

 

22.53

There is a confused and undignified scramble for cover.

Mrs Hudson makes it inside, Mycroft and Lestrade both dive for the same snow drift and knock heads, and John crouches behind the wheel of a car. Sherlock is the only one still standing in the open. His expression is distinctly put out at the lack of faith everyone seems to have in his abilities.

 

22.55

The sound of the fireworks is near deafening and the sight blindingly bright (Sherlock employed a good deal of magnesium coil in the construction).

John catches brief glimpses of Sherlock dancing in the street through a rain of brilliantly bright coloured sparks and cinders, but an out of control Catherine wheel flies past over his shoulder, and he decides it’s best to stay down.

 

23.17

The racket and sight created by the fireworks is reported to the police and Lestrade only just manages to diffuse the situation.

Sherlock is distinctly pleased with how the fireworks turned out and begins making plans for next year’s batch.

John helps a traumatised Mycroft out from the snow drift.

 

23.21

They all return upstairs. Mycroft leads and way to the alcohol in an attempt to obliterate the appalling experience he just had downstairs.

 

23.32

Lestrade has somehow managed to dredge up enough coordination to light a candle. Sherlock is entertaining the room with fiery burps, achievable only due to the incredible amount of raw alcohol in his breath. John has a very strong suspicion that if he blew into a breathalyser the machine would have an aneurysm and be left broken beyond all repair.

 

23.37

Sherlock suggests games again, and brings out the tub used earlier for bobbing apples. The water has been misplaced, and, using his immense and alcohol-logged intellect, Sherlock has elected to replace it with mulled wine.

 

23.40

Bobbing for apples is discarded, and instead they all see how quickly it will take the four of them to drink all the mulled wine in the tub.

 

23.49

Mycroft is sitting in the corner eating cake like his life depends on it. There is marzipan in his ear, and his face has a dusting of icing sugar that makes him look like a very poor mime.

 

23.57

Sherlock found an icicle somewhere, and thought it a good idea to lick it. Mycroft finds the sight of his brother with his tongue hanging out most amusing.

John tries his best to help get it off, but finds it rather difficult to focus as he is seeing three of everything.

 

23.59

Lestrade helpfully pours wine down Sherlock’s front. Eventually some of it gets on the icicle, and it comes away.

Sherlock’s tongue is feeling distinctly numb and not quite within his control.

 

24.04

Sherlock complains to John about his tongue, demanding that the doctor makes it feel better.

Lestrade is helpful once more, and provides even more wine. John feels like he should be voicing an objection to this, but he is no longer sure why. Instead he announces that he needs the toilet.

 

24.08

Sherlock is playing a very animated game with Lestrade. Their general aim seems to be to save the maiden Mycroftina (represented by a drinks umbrella) from the terrible cake monster (represented by a lump of marzipan pulled off one of the cakes, and stuck with all the plastic toys from the crackers).

 

24.15

An upset Mycroft upends a bowl of half eaten trifle on Sherlock’s head.

Sherlock replies in kind by squashing Mycroft’s face into a Christmas cake. Mycroft’s face leaves an impression in the marzipan when he pulls it off. It’s quite realistic.

Lestrade tells Mycroft this, but he doesn’t seem pleased by the knowledge.

 

24.19

Mycroft throws lumps of the squashed cake at Sherlock. Lestrade finds this all very amusing until a piece of cake hits him in the ear.

 

24.23

John returns from the bathroom and stops everyone just in time to save the butterscotch sauce from being poured down the back of Lestrade’s shirt by the united brothers. The brandy butter, however, has been rubbed well into Mycroft’s hair, and across half of Sherlock’s face. Lestrade’s eyebrows also seem to have been thickened several centimetres by it.

 

24.25

John has the rest of the brandy butter thrown in his face. It still tastes surprisingly good, but he’s a little distracted by the gravy Lestrade splashes into his eye.

 

24.47

Mrs Hudson returns to find the four men sulking in different chairs. She tuts at the cake and food that covers the room, and makes her way around each of them with a wet flannel, cleaning them up.

 

24.56

Everyone has subsided into varying degrees of alcohol-induced comas. Mrs Hudson is the last one figuratively standing, swaying slightly and giggling to herself on a chair in the kitchen. Lestrade has somehow become adorned with tinsel, and has his shoes on his hands, and is using Mycroft’s stomach as a pillow. One of his feet is in the mercifully unlit fireplace, but covered in soot.

The rest of Mycroft’s body is largely buried beneath the needles of the fallen Christmas tree, and he appears to have misplaced the shoe of one foot and the sock of the other. One hand still grasps his umbrella.

Sherlock an invisible blob in the middle of the carpet. He is curled up underneath his coat, and the bow of his violin is sticking out of one sleeve. The fairy lights twinkle merrily in bright trails across his coat.

John looks rather like a dormouse, except instead of making a nest out of hay, he’s made one out of the wrapping paper. There is a small card stuck on his face, and it flutters when he breathes out. He is cuddling the skull, and mutters slurred words in his sleep.

 

10.00 Boxing Day –

Harry returns. Irene decides to come up and see Sherlock.

None of the men are awake. Harry sighs, and begins trying to wake them up.

 

10.15

John is vaguely aware of a voice calling to him, but his brain feels like it’s been filled with high pitched fireworks, and everything is just painful.

Harry tries giving John a slap, and is rewarded with him jolting into consciousness, grabbing her arm with a soldier’s reflexes, and feeling for his gun.

 

10.18

John apologises to Harry, and gives her arm a squinty examination, saying that he hasn’t sprained her wrist.

 

10.20

Irene brings in a bowl of warm water and flannels, and John nearly has a heart attack.

 

10.23

Irene attempts to wake Sherlock up with a kiss when he starts muttering, but nothing happens, and she leaves him with a flannel on his face.

 

10.27

Harry pulls Lestrade off Mycroft, and tries slapping him as well. It’s just as effective as it was on John, except the Detective Inspector doesn’t try to attack her.

Irene gives Mycroft a shake. His eyes open very slowly, but when he sees Irene he screams.

 

10.34

Mycroft’s screams wake Sherlock, and he pulls the flannel off his face when he eventually figures out what it is. He can’t work out why Lestrade is staring at him like he’s seeing visions, but when he wipes his hand across his mouth it comes away covered in red lipstick.

Lestrade feels like he’s just relived part of university… _a lot_ of university.

 

10.37

Mycroft’s still not quite sure whether he’s actually awake, and he eyes Irene as distrustfully as he can with scrunched up eyes.

Irene finds the whole matter exceedingly amusing, and takes her leave of Harry.

 

10.39

Sherlock crawls back under his coat – it is not long before they can hear his snores.

 

10.41

Harry makes tea. Apparently it is a trait that she and John share. John attempts to help, but can only make it onto his hands and knees, and even crawling is distinctly difficult as his hands and knees do insist on going in opposite directions.

 

10.48

John has made it to his chair after a good deal of difficulty, and is slowly recuperating through his cup of tea. Lestrade has a faintly shell-shocked expression on his face, and is sitting on a tinsel covered chair with a cup of tea, but not drinking it. He is trying to sort out the odd blend of images that include snow drifts, food fights, and a very intimate encounter with what he thinks was the skull.

Mycroft’s expression has become a little green, as Harry offered him a slice of cake with his tea. John has vague concerns about the potential future state of the carpet.

Harry has left a cup of tea at the end of one sleeve of Sherlock’s coat.

 

10.53

Sherlock emerges from the tent he’s made of his coat. A plate is stuck to his face with what appears to be congealed butterscotch sauce.

 

11.29

Mycroft’s attempt to put his shoes back on reveals to everyone that Sherlock earlier saved the holly from the Christmas puddings and secreted it in Mycroft’s shoes. His resounding yell of pain makes everyone’s heads ring, although Sherlock has an expression of muzzy satisfaction blending into his grimace of pain.

Mycroft is most unamused.

 

11.34

Harry forces all the men to sit down on the sofa, and prepares her best Christmas hangover cure; something of everything from the table, all fried up together with a bit of extra sausage and bacon, washed down with very strong tea laced with whisky.

The bangs of the pots and frying pans against the stove top elicit groans from the lounge, and Harry considers dropping in on John at 221B next Christmas...it really is rather amusing.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas Everyone! :D  
> So I was asked to do another, and another you now have. I was reluctant to do more than just "Christmas, Chandeliers, and Cellars at Mycroft's" simply because I was worried about repeating myself, or this one being less entertaining and amusing than the first.
> 
> Do tell me what you think, and how the two compare :)  
> Also, if you like this story, or any of my other ones, and you want access to sneak previews on chapters that I'm working on, Like my Facebook page, or Follow my Twitter :)  
> https://www.facebook.com/josephinetomkinsauthor  
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